Why do the most random things bother me? Why do I feel like I've failed at something which is really beyond my control? Why do I insist on basing my self worth on extraneous things and not on what truly matters- that I'm a child of God, who was wonderfully and fearfully made? Why do I keep looking to worldly markers of success, when I know that they're false? Why do I keep wondering what I look like in the eyes of the world? Why do I keep feeling so emotionally far from people sometimes? Like I always make the effort to reach out? Like I'm not really needed by many of my friends? Why do I need to be needed, and yet feel constrained by the demands of people? How and when did I get so selfish? Why am I so afraid that some dreams will never come true?
A friend of mine said in an email "I miss your no-nonsense ways" and I've often been called "the practical one". I don't feel nor sound very no-nonsense or practical right now.
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength" Isiah 30:15. I need to keep remembering and claiming this verse. I need to learn to rest and be quiet and be still in my God.