Today at church I was reminded that God has good things in store for me in this life. It sounds like a very basic principle, and it actually is. But I get so caught up in the hard things I see on the floors and that I hear about, that I forget that much of life is good, rather than bad. At least, it has been in my experience.
And so as I go through rotations and ponder questions about health, illness, life and death, I think I have to keep repeating to my self- "God has good things in store for you". Where is this coming from? Mostly from the fact that hospitals are sad places. I've said this before but it still stands.
Patients in the hospital are often in pain, very vulnerable, at some low points in their lives. Their families and friends are in the midst of all this with them- it's not an easy thing for any body. The role of the medical team is to talk to them, to try and heal or at worst keep them comfortable. I think this is a heavy calling, and one that I find draining.
Then there are also the patients that no one takes serious for whatever reason- mostly social. Sometimes I cant help but be irritated with them. But sometimes, behind the social issues are real hard core medical issues that can be missed, and the team has to be careful to not dismiss a pt or his symptoms. But it's hard to remain objective in the face of a patient who is annoying you and pushing every single button that you have.
Medicine is a heavy calling. One that drains me, even as I like it and thrive. But I'm finding so far, that I'm not entirely sure that I'm cut out for the hospitalist setting. I'm also learning very quickly that I have to learn to leave "work" at "work". The dreams about patients and illnesses and everything are becoming a little too much now.